Vernazza: made less cool by Americans

Here’s my DUMB AMERICAN story!

So we’re sitting, for the second night in a row, at Gianni’s, mostly due to the fact that we had such a great meal the previous night. I’m sitting across from Carrie and on an angle from Steve. I was in the middle of telling them a FAS-cinating story, when all of a sudden, I see a woman VOMITING about 15 feet behind Carrie. My next comment is, “OHGOODLORD!”

Steve: “What?”

Eric: “There’s a chick throwing up behind Carrie.”

Steve: “You’re kidding.”

Eric: “No. I’m not.”

Steve (making “disgusted Steve” face): “Come ON!”

It just so happens that there was a group of seven Americans sitting behind Steve and to his right making asses of themselves for most of the evening. Guess who was throwing up? One of them? Yep. Our waiter, Ines, was cool as ice about it. He tossed some sand from a bucket over the mess after doing some quick mopping, and the situation was contained. Vomit-chick left for about 20-25 minutes, then… came back… and… STARTED DRINKING AGAIN. Thanks! Way to continue to upgrade Americans’ status in the eyes of the rest of the world.

This is the outdoor seating area.

And this picture was taken from the point of near ground-vomit-zero. Good times.

Vernazza: Paradise

Why, why, WHY did I come to Vernazza alone (with Steve and Carrie)? Yeah, I have no clue.

Note to self: next time I go to Vernazza, remember to bring a) a date, b) girlfriend, c) wife, d) all of the above. Shoot, I forgot d) concubine & e) mistress. Doesn’t matter. I’m bringing SOMEONE next time, dammit.

Vernazza, for those of you paying attention, is in the Cinque Terra, and it has to be in the top-5 most romantic places in our half of the universe. It’s a coastal, ancient town with quaint views, trails, shops and cafes. I had four of the best paninis of all time there. I had two paninis for breakfast each day. When I return to Italy, I will be spending a heap of time in the five Cinque Terra villages, and I will be porking out with more panini. If I’m going to get tubby, I may as well enjoy myself.

I forget the name of the panini shop in Vernazza I frequented, but it was just to the left when you exit the main square if you’re heading for the train stop. I had plain paninis and cherry-tomato-covered paninis, and for some reason I can’t stop writing about them. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Now wake up and look at this! The best picture I could find of Vernazza. This view is from the north side, as far as my directionally challenged mind can tell, and it looks like an early morning shot. After dinner/drinks both nights, I hung out on the rocks you see on the northwest side listening to the ocean. It was totally friggin’ relaxing. We stayed in the hotel with all the boats lined up in front of it, and our rooms were on the top floor.

I love Vernazza more than any place I’ve ever been. I can’t recommend it strongly enough.

The First Bank of Uncle Steve

Steve served as an ATM for Carrie and me at different points in the trip. First, because Carrie didn’t have a money belt* for the beginning of the trip, and second, because my withdrawal limit was too low for the spending I had to do when we arrived in Rome. Our hotel offered a 10% discount for paying cash up-front. To that point, we had paid when we checked out of hotels, but the place we stayed in Rome wanted our $ asap. So… when Carrie needed cash, she hit up Uncle Steve, who was carrying her bills for her. When I needed cash, say, for dinner, I hit up ol’ Uncle Steve at the end of the meal.

*A note about money belts: they STINK after wearing them under your pants for two weeks, so don’t be afraid to buy several or throw them in the laundry as often as possible. If you want to torture someone, gag them with your money belt after you’ve worn it for a few weeks. That will keep them in line. Ball gags also work, but those are obviously for weirdoes.

Steve stepped in dog shizzle

I forgot exactly where we were walking to, but Steve tracked through someone’s dog’s poop along the way. I think we were about to tour the Popes’ Palace, but I can’t be sure. He cleaned it off with a stick for about three hours, because there weren’t really any great sticks around to use. He was super happy.

(Borat): NOT!

In honor of doggie-deposits, here's a picture of the young Finley, S&C's pooch. Finley's so cute, you almost WANT to step in her poo. Almost.

Why is William Shatner sitting behind us? And why is he peeved?

I think this picture was taken on the train to Avignon, but I don't really remember. I also have no idea why Captain Kirk would be angry with us... maybe all the "I just Shatnered my pants" jokes? It's a mystery.

Italians appear to love "My Way"

Well, maybe they don't love it... maybe they thought tourists loved it... All I know is: this song was played EVERYWHERE in Rome. Walking down the street, sitting in a cafe, walking through a public square... It was "My Way" all day long.

I thought we already talked about trains…?

Yes, here’s more about the trains. (snore)

To summarize, the trains are much different than buses and airplanes. On commuter trains, you typically need to sit facing someone or stand facing a bunch of people. It’s great for people watching. There are traveling gypsy-like folks who bring their accordions or other musical instruments on the train, play their instrument, and then bring a cup around for you to drop Euro coins into. Also, there are children on the trains who drop off photocopies of a story of their family’s plight on an empty seat next to you. 2-3 minutes later, they come back to collect the photocopy and ask you for coins. Steve read that the unemployment rate in the suburbs of France is on the order of 40%, and we definitely saw a good deal of poverty while we traveled.

40% unemployment, in case you’re unaware, is completely insane.

On the trains, you will also see what appears to be every race possible, and you’ll probably hear five different languages at once; likely more. On one train, I counted: French, English, Italian, German, Spanish, something Asian (because I’m ignorant of the differences between Eastern languages), and Arabic. You’ll also see all classes of citizens, top to bottom. If you’re getting the idea that my experience in Europe consisted mostly of people watching, you’d be correct.